A New Year – 10 Months
Dear Abbey,
I can’t believe it, you have been gone 10 months today. It seems so unreal. A new year began yesterday, bringing to an end an horrific year for us as a family. Christmas was so excruciatingly difficult without you. I found myself running out of stores [...]
Apathy
Yes, I just titled this entry “apathy”, it’s actually a former pet peeve that of mine that has become a favorite past time. When Abbey died nine months ago, I couldn’t stop writing, and now I find more difficulty making myself start. I’ve become apathetic and delusional. I kind of don’t [...]
The Half Marathon
I’m getting ready to run my race on Sunday, and I couldn’t be less prepared. I ran all summer, and then school started and I found less and less time, and even less energy….but I’m committed, so I’ll run anyhow. It’s been a tough week. I’ve had a lot of crying bouts, that have just [...]
6 Months
Yesterday was 6 months. 6 months since I last held or looked upon my child. She didn’t go off to college, she didn’t leave the house to marry…she died. She’s not coming back. I know that and still it is impossible to believe. I look at her picture hanging up at work and it reminds [...]
My new to me 1940s buffet
You know that you have waited too long to blog, when you cannot for the life of you remember how to post an image. Gah! Well…it’s way past my bedtime, but I did it. Here are some decent photos of the buffet I bought this past weekend. Maia and I were on a hunt for [...]
Redefining All Things Java
With the turn of events in my family’s lives, my blog has taken on a decidedly melancholy tone. I’ve often wondered if the Javacat Café now feels more like the Suicide Café. I thought about apologizing for this….for just a moment and then decided that I would not. I have other decisions to make in [...]
Pretense
The most difficult part of this whole thing is the pretending. It’s giving those standard answers to the questions on how you are doing…how you are feeling. No one wants to hear someone say, yeah, today I feel like a miserable piece of shit again….but that is what it amounts to…what I [...]
Happy 10th Birthday Maia Marie
It will be ten years ago this next Monday that you impatiently pushed your way into this world. It was 7AM on the morning of April 13, 2009 when the cramping in my abdomen announced that you would be arriving that day. I patiently drew myself a bath and insisted to [...]
Entertaining the Absurd
Nineteen Days. Everyone was gone this morning…it’s always my biggest test. Antonio and Maia had spent the night at my cousins and Chris had gone snowboarding with his friends. Alone time has been my greatest challenge…trying to dig deep within myself to find a reason to peel myself [...]
Warm embrace, Big city
I walked into the train station in somewhat of a frenzy. I had missed the 9:04 am train I had intended to board, and David thought that the next train didn’t come in until 11:00. The fault was mine. I was reading email on my laptop and it did not register that [...]