On your 15th Birthday
Dear Abigail:
I woke up feeling so sad today and simply missing you terribly. Some days the sadness is heavier to carry than others. I always think…if she could have just gotten past that one moment, she would be here right now, laughing with girlfriends, laughing with boyfriends and knowing that there is so [...]
On Your Birthdate, Abigail
Daddy and I went to see your grave tonight after picking up some supplies for the rainbow cake that I promised you I would make for your birthday. It smells wondrous outside and there is a lightening storm, crowning the mountains in the brightest of silhouettes. You would have wanted to [...]
Where Hummingbirds Lose Their Magic
I issued an edict last summer. If the vertical living rooms blinds are to be opened, they can never be drawn. I dubbed the main floor living room as my “reading room”. Abbey and I spent hours in there both reading and writing. Last summer when I found [...]
Happy 10th Birthday Maia Marie
It will be ten years ago this next Monday that you impatiently pushed your way into this world. It was 7AM on the morning of April 13, 2009 when the cramping in my abdomen announced that you would be arriving that day. I patiently drew myself a bath and insisted to [...]
March 6, 2009
I am writing a lot more than usual…to maintain my sanity. As usual, writing is my life line. I am not blogging everything that I am writing, for obvious reasons, but below is an exerpt….that being said, I also know that each of you worries and cares about me, or else you wouldn’t [...]
Thank You
There is a finality to “Thank You” notes that I have not yet been able to face. You see, for two weeks, I have harbored some sense of the implausible thinking that I will still wake up and that the death of my beloved Abigail will be some horrible dream. With [...]
How?
How do I wake up every morning knowing that I cannot change yesterday?
How do I go on living this life without drowning in the “What Ifs” that consume my mind?
How?
How do I reconcile the confusion, the fright, the darkness that threatens to swallow me without the slightest care or deference.
How do I look at the [...]
Half Empty
One of the first fights that I ever had with Buddha in our early marriage was about the toilet paper roll. After living with the man for awhile I noticed that he would never replace an empty roll on the spool. He would simply grab a new roll and leave the empty roll [...]
My 12 year old Shemo
Reason for therapy #5444
Shemo: “You just don’t understand what it’s like to be 12, life is very hard.”
Me: “Yes I do, I was 12 too and life was hard.”
Buddha: “Yip, we’ve been there done that.”
Shemo: “No, it’s much harder to be 12 now.”
Me: “Trust me I understand. You have all these new hormones you [...]
Things Unsaid
I drove down the street I grew up on today as I dropped the girl off at her dance classes. It was the house where my grandfather had his last conscious memory and that thought triggered in me a memory of my grandfather walking down the street to the Ogden City Mall to visit me [...]